To connect with others, communication is essential. However, to really, really connect with others, we need to engage in the same type of conversation. Typically, we encounter three types of conversation — practical, emotional, and social — and being aware of this distinction is helpful for building better relationships.
Practical Conversations: What’s This Really About?
These are your everyday chats in which we make decisions, plan for the future, or discuss practical issues based on facts.
Emotional Conversations: How Do We Feel?
This type revolves around feelings — sharing a good laugh, comforting a friend when they are sad, or feeling proud of an achievement.
Social Conversations: Who Are We?
These conversations touch on our identities and how we see the world around us. They might include sharing family history, talking about new workplace policy, or expressing our beliefs.
Of course, conversations can blend these types, but the challenge arises when we don’t understand what the other person wants from a conversation.
Think about this scenario: You come home after a long day and vent about how annoying your boss was. Meanwhile, your partner, focused on dinner, starts giving you advice on what to say at work and then asks about the pasta sauce. Suddenly, your emotional sharing feels ignored, and your partner seems stuck in practical advice mode. It’s frustrating, right?
So, how can we handle these moments?
First, before you dive into a conversation, take a moment to recognize what type of chat you’re entering.
Next, pay attention to the cues the other person gives. Do they need advice (practical mindset), a comforting hug (emotional mindset), or to be heard (social mindset)?
Finally, try to steer the conversation so you’re both in the same type of conversation. This might take some back-and-forth, but by asking questions and really listening, you can find that common ground. Once you both align on the type of conversation, connection happens, and communicating feels easier and more meaningful.
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