Where to find this idea:
Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross
Here’s the thing. We spend between ⅓ and ½ of our awake time not living in the present. What we do during that time is talk to ourselves. Inner voice is an important aspect of being human. It helps us plan, analyze and simulate. It helps us reflect on our lives, control ourselves and understand who we are.
But that silent inner voice can become chatter. Chatter is the dark, cruel side of the inner voice. It’s when our thoughts sound less like a supportive friend and more like a tiny bully living rent-free in our mind, armed with an extensive collection of our past failures and possible future failures. We start ruminating and catastrophizing, which consumes our attention, makes us irritable and affects our physical health. We feel judged and unworthy. Honestly, if we ever heard someone speaking to us like our negative inner voice speaks to us, we probably would not talk to them ever again.
Our inner voice will be there no matter what. We can’t escape that. What we can do is change its tone. Will it be a friend who cheers us on while still holding us accountable or a bully who makes us feel miserable?
We love these 2 strategies to deal with negative self-talk that Ethan Kross writes about in his book Chatter:
1. Zoom out
Adding distance is a great way to gain a different perspective and possibly change your existing perspective. It’s almost like asking, “is this the only voice in the room or can I hear something different?”
Unlike meditation, the point of zooming out that Kross suggests is not simply to observe your thoughts, but also to engage with them. You basically use your thoughts to change your thoughts. While zooming out doesn’t solve your problems, it increases your chances of solving them because it un-clouds your thinking. When you see yourself through the eyes of a bystander, you empathize with yourself, and your thinking becomes clearer and more nuanced. Stepping back to see your experiences is what changes the tone of your inner voice and quiets the chatter down.
2. Say your name in your head
Addressing yourself as if you are speaking to someone else helps you step back and see things from a different perspective. It feels like they are not happening to you, but to someone else, which helps with feeling less sucked up in your emotions.