June 30, 2024

Hello friends,

Grab a cozy ☕ and let’s get started!

I’m gonna mix things up a bit with the format this time around, as I’ve noticed many of you liked our birthday edition. We chat about all sorts of ideas in The Boonly, and we always point you back to books where you can dig deeper into those concepts. We value ideas for their universality. The same idea can be found in different books and still be told in a unique way.

Today, we’re gonna chat about an idea that really resonates with me — in psychology, this idea is called glimmers — but I’ll do it by sharing my personal story. See you in the idea of the week below!

Irena Spegar

Idea of the Week

GLIMMERS

It’s a Wednesday morning in May. I’m in the community area in my building next to the coffee machine. I usually come to work here because I get the best of both worlds — I get to see people while still working from home. As my coffee is brewing, I see a familiar face. It’s a girl who also often works here. We always give each other a smile and gentle head nod, but we’ve never actually talked.

My introverted self whispers, “come on, you truly cherish human connection, so why not open up a little more?” My immigrant self tells me, “be more American, make small talk.” Next thing I know, the words are slipping through my mouth, “sorry, what’s your name?” The conversation takes off. It’s one of those effortless conversations, just like a chat between two good friends. Then she says something that, just a few seconds later, will fill my heart with pure joy, “every morning I get here to work, and I see you around, and I think, there she is, all’s right with the world, and it’s easier to get started with work.”

At that moment, it strikes me: I know the word for this feeling — glimmer. I’m her glimmer. I bring the feeling of comfort to someone who doesn’t even know me. My simple presence makes them feel calmer.

So, what exactly are glimmers?

Glimmers are the little things that make us feel a sense of peace, calm, connection, and safety. They’re the small things we spot that instantly elevate our mood, even when we’re having a crummy day or feeling down. Unlike triggers (aka sensory reminders causing us to feel unsafe or upset), glimmers are sensory reminders that do the opposite. Triggers send our bodies into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Glimmers calm our nervous systems.

I love my glimmers. I started paying way more attention to them after I had my son.

During my daily strolls with my newborn, when I felt sleep deprived and confused as a new parent, I found a glimmer in an unexpected place. An old building, reminiscent of those lovely Parisian structures you might stumble upon in NYC or Chicago, gave me comfort every time I passed by. This piece of limestone and concrete gave me safety. I felt like its timeless beauty was telling me, “you’re right where you’re meant to be, in this beautiful city. You’ve come a long way to be here. You’ve got this parenting thing down, too.”

When I first started working from that same community area, I realized that my neighbor, Jeff, had become my glimmer. Every winter morning, he was sitting by a fireplace reading a book, and it gave me so much peace. Just seeing him there would make sitting in front of my laptop more comfortable.

It’s wonderful how many things can become our glimmers: people, objects, movies, food…
We just need to pay attention to them and the senses they activate.

Glimmers are powerful (and beautiful). And knowing that you are someone’s glimmer is even more beautiful.

Do you have your glimmers, and what are they? Or are you someone’s glimmer? Let me know by replying to this email.

Sundaying Kit

PONDER 💭

We’ve talked about the importance of rest in our previous issues. This week we’ve been pondering a related topic: why do we feel guilty when we rest? Staring into one spot and zoning out for 15 minutes is not a sin, going for a walk without a plan is not a sin, reading a book without implementing it (simply reading for the sake of reading) is not a sin. Yet we feel guilty.
Why does having free time feel like we are not productive and why do we want to keep ourselves busy so badly?

TRY ✨

Why not mix friends and books with a fun book swap at your next hangout? Ask everyone to bring a book, all wrapped up. Maybe they could scribble a little note about why they dig the book. Dump all the books in one pile and let each person pick one to unwrap and take home. Once you’ve read it, you can chat about the books next time you all meet up.

LISTEN 🎧

A lot of you enjoyed last week’s podcast rec, but you also shared some recommendations of your own. One of them is the Ologies podcast. We looove this one! It’s witty and educational, and the host, Alie Ward, asks smart people stupid questions that might change how you see the world. You’ll find episodes like coffeeology, funology and disgustology.

READ 📖

The Biggest Tourist Traps In Europe, According To Rick Steves – Explore
Some unpopular opinions here. What do you disagree with?

How anxiety became a catchall for every unpleasant emotion – Vox
Seems like ever since Inside Out 2 hit screens, people talk about anxiety non-stop. But how often do we slap the ‘anxiety’ label on feelings that aren’t really that? Here’s a solid read on this topic.

EXTRA LOVE

📖 Fire Exit is sad and beautiful

♫ soft bossa nova summer

🥣 If you’re struggling with food container lids

Sunday With…

RACHEL GILLMAN

Founder of Three PR, No Small Talk and Between Bites, Rachel is slightly addicted to storytelling and bringing people together for memorable experiences. She’s also a mom of twins, avid reader, and perpetual question asker.

I love Sundays because they’re the opposite of Mondays – a day without the expectation of peak productivity.

My ideal Sunday combines an anchor – one pre-planned activity I’ll enjoy – with openness – the ability to savor unscheduled free time. And despite years of a love/hate relationship with trekking to the gym, I’ve realized a workout on a Sunday morning sets the tone for feeling accomplished the rest of the day.

I usually put a Sunday highlight on the calendar well before the weekend arrives, whether it’s meeting up with friends for a casual meal, going to Three Avenues Bookshop with my kids (a Lakeview neighborhood gem), or visiting family in the suburbs. And in turn, the other hours are meant to feel unhurried and relaxed. As someone with a tendency to overplan, holding space for spontaneity is equally important.

I love Sunday afternoons in particular for catching up on podcasts during a long walk, losing myself in a good book, or reading articles I’ve bookmarked. A few recent favorites:

Listen – PrettySmart and The Bright Side. Host Danielle Robay blends wisdom, curiosity, and warmth in both podcasts and I always wrap an episode feeling uplifted.
Long Read – The Art of Gathering. This book profoundly impacted my viewpoint and I plan to re-read annually. A fascinating, inspiring, and moving lens on how we connect in person.

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